Help! I have been dating a guy for a couple of weeks and we are connecting very well. We even felt so complete that we have dedided to let each other meet our children. I have a 4 yr old and she has taken to him quite well, but he has a 12 and an 8 year old. We went to the zoo on our first outing with his children ( did not take my little girl because I wanted to be able to focus on them for the first time). Everything went really well, they were nice, polite, open, we played and they told their dad that they really liked me. Sunday afternoon when they were returned to mommy, she asked them what they did and of course they told her. Her immediate reaction was to run to her room and lock the door for hours. The children called their dad and now are very upset that daddy has made mommy so upset. The oldest expressed that she'd thought about it and she wanted mommy and daddy back together and did not want me in the picture.. I realize that this is a response to be expected, but he seems to put them first, as far as not wanting to tell them that mommy and daddy aren't going to be together. Mommy now wants to repair the broken marraige now that daddy is moving on and dating. How do I deal with this? Can we survive this?
How do you deal with this? Don't . Divorce is just a piece of paper. Feelings go deeper than you might realize. When two people share a history together and a family, the impressions go very deep. Life takes a toll on the couple and the marriage. Sometimes people make the mistake that their feelings are gone or have changed. But sometimes all it takes is some time away from each other, even going as far as divorce, until they realize the grass is not always greener on the other side. They start missing and rekindling feelings for the ex-spouse. It happens all the time. Alot more than people might think. If this man's wife is wanting to get back with her husband and repair the marriage and he seems to be on the side of the children, then all you are doing is interfering in the possible reconciliation of a family. I would do the right thing and bow out gracefully to at least give them a chance to become a family again.....if that's what's meant to be. If you continue to pursue and he ends up back with her anyway, you'll lose some dignity and possibly get hurt. People don't seem to realize in the case of divorces (especially recent ones) the new person in the life of one of the spouses is usually "the outsider".
You can't fix it. He has too!! Only he can make the decision on who to be with. The more you try and force him to choose you the more chance you have of losing him. I am a firm believer in letting time heal everything. Hang in there and lay low for now. If it was meant to be it will work out!
Why would you want to survive this....this man has some serious issues. Until he gets his stuff together, he won't be much of a boyfriend. So, I suggest leave him be and pick it back up once he proves that he is indeed done with his ex and ready to start fresh. Relationships are hard enough without extra baggage messing everything up.
You may be able to survive this if you really want to. Do you really believe that your boyfriend and his ex wife are through? In all honesty that would be my biggest fear, that he still had feelings for her and that he would leave me to go back to her. Perhaps if you have doubts you should back away and give him some time to figure out what he wants before you invest even more time in a relationship that could very well be doomed to fail.
Wow, that is a tough one. I don't know what to say except that you have got to talk to your boyfriend and find out what is going on. Does he want to repair the marriage with his ex or does he want to move on with you. If he even has the slightest feelings for his ex wife, then you may do better to leave him alone as y ou don't want to end up with a broken heart if they do decide to get back together again. Howeve, if he doesn't want anything to do with her, then there is still a chance that the two of you could be together. Either way, you do have a long road head of you as new divorces are hard and mixing families isn't easy. Good luck.
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