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5 Tips for Improving Marital Counseling Success
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By: XSTILLA.COM
The decision to seek professional marital counseling is an important one not to be taken lightly, but one that may in fact make a positive difference in your marriage. However, many couples mistakenly believe that counseling will be the magic answer to all of their problems, when in fact, it's really up to each person to do their part to work with the counselor by implementing the tools they are given.
If you've decided to make the effort to improve your relationship for the better, here are five ways to make sure you get the most out of marital counseling.
1. Be Prepared for the Initial Consultation
If you haven’t yet located a counselor, it's helpful to get a recommendation from someone you know who has been to the counselor before and can vouch for their methods and practices. Doctors, hospitals, churches, and community centers are also excellent resources for locating a licensed counselor.
Many counselors provide an initial phone consultation, or in some cases, a face-to-face meeting, to provide you the opportunity to ask any questions you may have. Feel free to inquire about their credentials and experience, and pay attention to your gut feeling and comfort level when speaking with the counselor.
2. Attend the First Appointment Together
Schedule your first appointment together so that both of you are able to attend and start out on an even playing field, so to speak. When one spouse meets with a counselor alone, the other may feel left out, or feel that the counselor will now be biased to the first person's account of the situation.
Although it's true professionals are trained to be completely unbiased, this misplaced distrust may lead to reluctance to fully participate, or even attend counseling at all.
3. Focus on Yourself
Remember to use this opportunity to learn as much about yourself as possible. Try to resist the urge to blame your spouse, or make your therapy sessions about what they're doing wrong instead of learning how to modify your own behavior. Ultimately, you are the only person who you can control, so you might as well keep the focus on yourself and what you actually can change, rather than what you may merely want to change.
You also aren't able to control how much your spouse participates, or how much effort they put forth to get the most out of each meeting, but you can convey how very important this is to you and to the welfare of your marriage.
4. Do Your Homework
If the counselor asks you or the both of you to complete certain exercises or to practice any behavioral changes you may have discussed in a session, be sure to set aside the time to do so and follow through with your end of the bargain.
A counselor is only able to guide you and give you the tools necessary to improve your relationship. It's then up to both individuals to implement the changes they've learned by taking real action toward bettering themselves instead of only talking about what you should be doing.
5. Keep a List
Keeping a list of questions or issues that arise in between sessions will help you to make the most of the time you're with the counselor. Most counseling sessions are an hour or two in length, but at times it may be difficult to remember everything you want to say.
It's also helpful to keep track of past issues that you've resolved through your sessions, and note what methods you've used to enhance your communication skills for future reference.
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