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Divorce Help - FAQs about Divorce Mediation
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By: XSTILLA.COM
If you’re considering divorce mediation as an alternative towards traditional litigation, you probably have a ton of questions. In this brief article, we’ll attempt to answer the most frequently asked questions about divorce mediation so that you can have a better understanding of the mediation process. So, without further adieu, let’s get started.
Q: Will I have to meet with the mediator and my spouse at the same time, or could we do this process separately?
A: There are some mediators who prefer to meet with both parties at the same time to facilitate communication, which essentially, is one of the main purposes of mediation in the first place. However, if there is extreme discord between the spouses, mediation may take place separately, with the mediator serving as a go-between, relaying information and presenting solutions and ideas to both. Generally, an experienced mediator can help you make that decision depending on the situation between you and your spouse.
Q: What are the major differences between private and court-ordered mediation?
A: As one would imagine, a court-ordered mediation is ordered by the court as a required process of the divorce proceedings. Depending on your state, mediation may be mandatory if there are children involved or custody issues to resolve. Private mediation may also cover custody disputes, and usually matters such as finances and the division of assets.
Q: How long does mediation usually take as opposed to litigation?
A: Nine out of ten times, mediation will take far less time than the process of litigation. In some cases, even one session would be enough to come to an agreement, provided there were few issues and both parties were willing to cooperate. On average, the majority of couples will need to meet several times with a mediator as opposed to several months, or more, in the worst case scenario with litigation.
Q: What are the costs of divorce mediation?
A: If mediation is ordered by the court, there is usually no fee, but a private mediation involves a fee paid to the mediator either hourly, or on a per-session basis, depending on their policy. Actual costs will vary by the individual, as well as what their main profession is, such as whether they're an attorney or a therapist, but generally, fees usually range anywhere from one or a few hundred dollars per session.
Q: Won't mediation cause me to give up my right to go to court if I'm not happy with the way things are going?
A: No, mediation is completely voluntary and either party has the right at any time to stop the process and instead opt for litigation. Also, what occurs during mediation is completely private, so both parties will be able to have a "fresh start" in court if they so desire.
Q: How does mediation differ from arbitration?
A: With mediation, the couple meets with a third party to try to come to an agreement that's accepted by both sides without the need for litigation in court. A mediator's purpose is to facilitate communication between the divorcing spouses, but is not permitted to make any decisions for them. An arbitrator is also an unbiased third party, but has the power to make decisions based on the facts, similar to the way a judge would. With arbitration, the spouses have the ability to plead their case and make the facts known, but they have no say in the final outcome the way they would with mediation.
Q: What are some of the services performed by the mediator?
A: Besides helping the couple amicably divide their assets and come to other important agreements, a mediator also performs administrative services, such as taking care of all the necessary documents, and serves as a disinterested party that's able to come up with creative ideas and workable options. A mediator will also know the law and serve as a go-between if the couple is unable to communicate face-to-face.
Q: What is the difference between divorce mediation and a collaborative divorce?
A: As we know, mediation involves a couple meeting with a neutral party to settle the terms of their divorce without the need for litigating in court. With a collaborative divorce, both spouses have attorneys, or others acting as mediators on their behalf for what's known as a "four-way" meeting. A legal agreement is signed that if they are unable to come to a decision that's acceptable by both parties, both legal professionals must withdraw.
Q: What does the term "principled negotiation" refer to?
A: Principled negotiation is a term commonly used in mediation and simply means that both parties will communicate with one another honestly about their intended goals and outcome of the divorce rather than basing decisions on emotion and anger. The spouses are required to present their side in a respectful manner in order to best negotiate their differences.
Q: What if there are too many complex issues for mediation, is litigation the only alternative?
A: An experienced mediator will have no difficulties dealing with even the most highly involved case involving everything from complex financial issues, including stocks options and investment earnings, to solutions covering tax problems, and the division of mutually owned businesses. Intricate parenting issues can also be resolved through the mediation process as long as both parties are willing to worth with the mediator, otherwise, litigation will indeed be necessary.
Q: What are some ways in which I can convince my spouse to consider mediation over litigation?
A: Many times when couples are divorcing, there are a lot of bad feelings and things can even be downright hostile. In the middle of all of this it can be difficult to make your spouse see reason as far as mediation goes. One of the best things that you can do is offer a third resource with the information so that it's not coming directly from you. While that sounds bad, the truth is that your spouse may feel that you are trying to trap them or trick them into something they may not want.
If they read the information and the benefits of mediation from a reliable and outside source, chances are they will consider it more. Whichever source you use, be sure that it outlines the benefits clearly and states the things that mediation offers which typical litigation does not. A section about the differences in pricing is another great thing to add.
Q: Will I need an attorney for mediation?
A: If you would like to hire an attorney for mediation, it is more than alright for you to do so. However, it is not a necessity. You and your spouse can utilize the experience of the mediator to calmly determine different things that have to do with the outcome of the divorce. For instance, the mediator is required to have so much experience helping mediate.
He or she may have some great ideas to help you solve your problems or disagreements as far as property, money and even the children. Having this third person that does not favor either side can be very helpful. You are not required to do anything the way you are with a court case. You decide what is fair to you and so does your spouse.
Q: What happens if my spouse and I can't agree on a certain issue with a mediator?
A: When a couple takes part in mediation rather than a courtroom divorce, they will work with a trained mediator. This mediator has extensive experience working with couples who may not agree, or who may be at odds with each other. Through a process of several meetings, it is very possible for even the most hostile couples to come to a mutual decision regarding different components of the divorce.
The mediator will typically also offer helpful suggestions based on the things that he is observing between the couples. This can often result in solutions that both spouses are happy with. Mediation is one of the best ways that a couple can mutually decide on different things easily and without hostility.
Q: How can I tell if the mediator I am considering hiring is right for my unique situation?
A: It's important that you and your spouse are comfortable with the mediator that you are going to work with in order to finalize your divorce. One of the best things that the both of you can do is meet with the mediator and have a discussion. Through this method, you can tell how comfortable you will be with the mediator. You can ask questions as well. Since you are essentially hiring the mediator, you need to make sure that they are going to provide the service that you need and that you will feel comfortable with that person.
If the mediator seems hesitant to answer questions or if it seems like he or she doesn't have time to or doesn't care to answer your questions, you might want to consider another mediator. A good mediator wants the couples to completely understand how the process works and wants to make sure that the couple is comfortable with him or her before they start. This is very important because any distractions which take away from resolving the divorce conflict can be bad.
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